Marking a year

I was asked this morning if yesterday was a hard day for me. It took me a while before I realized why I should have been sad yesterday. The memories then came rushing back.

One year ago yesterday (black Friday) I snuck out to get donuts for Kevin. What I didn't tell him was that I was also going to be picking up a pregnancy test. I got back and set the donuts on the counter and was able to take the test while he was still showering. I surprised Kevin with the news that we were again blessed with a child! Number two was on its way. While not planned, we were overjoyed.

We blissfully celebrated the next few weeks before I started bleeding a week and a half before Christmas. It led us to the ER where my Mom and I stayed for a few hours waiting for news. We saw a precious heartbeat and were reassured that while there was a small tear in the uterine wall- things would likely be okay. The doctor reaffirmed that the baby would be just fine a few days after our ER trip. We praised God and the bleeding had mostly stopped.

Then came a call that they wanted to set up a follow up ultrasound on Christmas Eve and so we did. I remember telling Kevin that he wouldn't believe how little this baby was- we hadn't gotten to see Sophie until much later in our pregnancy. Most of you know how this story ends, as the u/s tech furrowed her brow and stayed silent- I had already seen the baby's body- broken in two and the heartbeat extinguished.

It was a hard holiday for us.

Until it was brought up this morning however, I hadn't thought about it at all. I truly think Christmas Eve will be much harder for us this year. But, if our precious one wasn't taken to be with God- we wouldn't have our Liam. Born October 13th, weighing in at 9 lbs 9oz.

When busy with our two blessings yesterday, how could I be down? There is a song that really hits home for me. It explains how we can be healed from the pain of losing a child. It reminds me who my healer really is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvIEJ_PmqJ8

"Healer" Kari Jobe

You hold my very moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
and heal all my disease
I trust in you, I trust in you

I believe You're healer
I believe You are all I need

And I believe your my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

You hold my very moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me though fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, Lord I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
Oh, I believe

Nothing is impossible for you
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible
You hold my world in Your hands