As I sit and reflect on our past two days of Christmas celebrations I want to take a minute to really remember and take note of the gift of a baby. God sent his only son to become a man. I think of that night, of the joy brought to the world in this tiny package. This baby who was, and is our salvation. What joy that night held for Mary, Joesph, the Shepard, Kings and stars!
And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”
As many of you know we are blessed with a beautiful healthy 16 month old daughter, Ana Sophia. She is so precious to us- what a joyful Christmas we all had together. We praise God for her birth and for the gift of entrusting this child into our hands to raise her to be a Godly woman, who glorifies him. As many of you also know, on Black Friday we learned that we were again blessed with a child. While we were surprised we found so much joy and excitement in this as well. Last Wednesday some complications arose but we were able to see the first pictures of this beautiful little one and the tiny precious heart that fluttered at 144 beats per minute. Our doctor, whom we saw on Friday was optimistic that we would continue on to have a successful pregnancy and delivery. He simply wanted us to have a follow up ultrasound done this week. The clinic called us on Monday and asked if we could come in early Christmas Eve morning. I thought this would work out nicely as both Kevin and I were off of work, as was my Mom to watch Sophia. There was a tiny part of me that thought this could not be such a joyful Christmas if the news was bad. But our doctor had been SO optimistic! So, I agreed and the appointment was all set up for 8:30 Wednesday morning. Kevin had not been with me on Wednesday to see the first ultrasound so he was very excited to see that little heart beating still to reassure him the way I had been reassured just one week prior. We had the pictures hanging on our fridge and had been praying daily for this little bean but nothing beats seeing it for yourself. As the ultrasound started I had an uneasy feeling. It all looked different than the week before. Our technician was so very quiet. Her brows were furrowed as she asked me to move this way and that, lift my hips up here and there. The tears began to roll down my face. I realized that beautiful heartbeat of 144 was extinguished. The precious body, once whole, was now in two separate pieces and the tear that they had seen so tiny was taking up a large part of the photo. Our baby, gone. God is sovereign, God is good. These are things we continued to say as we waited in the "holding cell"...I mean, "Hold and call waiting room" for our doctor to reach us. Finally they did. Numbly we left the hospital- opting not to have the D &C surgery and not to take the pills that flush the baby out. We opted to do this naturally. How could we tell our family members, all who were so excited for the addition to the family, worst of all on this joyous celebration of Christs birth?! We headed back to my parents house where we quickly nodded that it was not good news. Phone calls where made, whispers heard in the house to not bring it up. We continued on with the celebrations, laughing, eating, singing, celebrating another baby gifted to us. The gifts under the tree for the new baby or for the "Beyer babies" were swept away as though they never existed in the first place. But I knew, I saw the gaps under the tree- so similar to the new gaps in our hearts now. It isn't until right now as our daughter is down from her sugar high and sleeping peacefully in bed that I really get to sit and reflect upon it all. Its all about the gift of a baby. Gods son, Christ, the gift we don't deserve. How precious is he. We deserve nothing, yet are SO BLESSED. He gives and he takes away- BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!
Praying you are able to truly celebrate what Christmas is all about. I know that for us, it came in an unexpected way- but celebrating the gift of a baby was so different and dear to us this year.