On Thursday I was headed to work in our trusty Tracker (the one and only car to our name now) when I heard a LOUD squealing noise. I quickly pulled off the exit when smoke came pouring out of the entire car. All these lights went off and it was nearly impossible to turn into the nearest parking lot. Thankfully I did make it in the lot before she died.
It was the breaking point for me. I have held it together pretty well for all of the challenges presented to us this month but this was the straw that broke the camels back. Well, emotionally anyways. While I waited in the chilly doorway I mentally began to make a list of things that have gone wrong lately. It got fairly long and the complaints wore on in my head. By the time my poor Mom got there I was sobbing. At work it continued, every time someone new walked in an asked how I was I lost it again.
I kept telling myself to pull it together woman! What kind of witness to God was it when I was a puddle. I should instead paste a grin on my face and say, "Well...its ok!" as I have been for the last month and a half. As the day went on and I was able to go home and reflect on the day with Kevin and have a nice quiet time I realized that I don't have to paste that smile and attitude on to be a good witness. The truth is, his strength can only be shown in our weaknesses. His perfection in our sin. This verse popped out to me:
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Wow. The lessons that we have learned this month have been irreplaceable. The scripture memorized, worth it.
At the end of the day Kevin received a phone call letting him know that he has full time hours at DG, his part time job for the month of February! Not only that, but he will have a laptop to do his work from home, enabling him to continue staying home with Sophie on the days that I work. What a blessing. We know that our earthly needs will be met this month. Thats all we can take it is day by day. Also, he had an interview with Allina on Wednesday and by next Wednesday should know what the verdict is there.
It has been so interesting how our needs have been met this past month. Where the encouragement has come from has astounded me. I have received encouragement cards in the mail this month from people I would have NEVER expected. I thank God for each and every one of those people who have had kind words and prayers to brighten our days. Also, on a monetary level we were so blessed when a complete stranger (well "real life" stranger, but internet friend) felt God calling them to send us a check. It was incredibly humbling to us to accept money from someone we had never met before but as it was the exact amount needed for my car payment that day and we were just wondering how to pay it this month we knew God had answered that prayer. What a lesson. It surely has taught us to let go of our worry and more importantly our ties to anything we own. It is not our, nor has it ever been.